Miserable Pregnant

It’s almost the end of the line, but that doesn’t change the fact that now, and until Niblet decides to make her grand entrance, I am miserable pregnant. Miserable pregnant is the point when it doesn’t matter what you do, you spend a chunk of the day (or all day) feeling physically miserable and drained. You just want it to be over, but you know you can’t (or at least shouldn’t) rush this sort of thing. (And to the mamas who spend their ENTIRE pregnancies miserable for one reason or another: I salute you.)

I would say my definition of “miserable pregnant” is that you’ve hit your wall (see my previous post on hitting “The Wall” here) and then it seems like the wall just keeps getting taller and thicker. What used to be a minor annoyance, or at least something you could live with, gets compounded with more and more other pregnancy irritations until you just throw up your hands and say, “Fine! Misery it is!”

Now those of you who have not “been there, done that,” may be wondering what could be so bad. Hahaha! You’ll see. For those reading who are pregnant, but haven’t reached miserable pregnancy, this is your warning. If you don’t want to know what’s ahead, stop reading now. For the rest of you, reminisce, have a laugh, enjoy.

Miserable Pregnancy: A Field Guide

  • Those sweet, soft, little kicks and flutters you felt 2nd trimester? Yeah, those days are gone. What’s inside you now is big enough to pack some serious punch. There are feet lodged in your ribs, elbows sticking out at odd angles, you name it. Any serious shift in baby’s position makes you feel like there is an alien about to burst forth from your body. Heaven forbid they do a full flip. Anyway, baby is getting bigger every day, which means YOU’RE getting bigger every day so…
  • You feel like a beached whale or some other blubbery, lumbering sea mammal. You’re carting around 20,30,40 lbs. (maybe more) of extra weight. You feel slow, awkward, and clumsy. Plus, all the extra weight does not help your energy levels, which are already low because…
  • You can’t get a good night’s sleep. No position seems comfortable, and a body pillow only does so much. You toss, you turn, you finally find the one position vaguely resembling comfort and then you have to get back up because…
  • You’re back to peeing ALL THE TIME. Did you have a sip of water? Maybe to wash down that horse pill of a prenatal vitamin? Well give it a few minutes and you’ll have to pee. And it’s not like you can NOT drink, because dehydration is bad, especially if it’s hot due to summer weather. Speaking of summer…
  • Being miserable pregnant is even worse when it’s summer and there is any kind of heat. Add humidity and you are doubly screwed. You’re sweating like a pig, despite the air conditioning being set on arctic blast and there being multiple additional fans going. With all that sweating going on, you may think a nice, cool shower is just what you need, but that just reveals yet another annoyance…
  • You are so big that certain aspects of personal hygiene become impossible without resorting to contortionism. Shaving your legs can be managed, but not without constantly maneuvering your belly out of the way. And don’t even think of trying to do any maintenance “down there.” You can’t see what your doing (even with a mirror, visibility is limited), everything is swollen, and it’s just not worth the nicks and razor burn. Anyway, if they need to, you’ll get a quick shave at delivery, so just don’t worry about it.
  • And since we’re being slightly vain, you’ve discovered that even some of your maternity clothes don’t fit and you can only comfortably wear flip flops. This, of course, does nothing to help the aforementioned beached whale feeling.

And there you have it. Miserable pregnant. I take comfort in the fact that hopefully I only have 4 weeks to go (and maybe a little less).

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One thought on “Miserable Pregnant

  1. Oh man. Bless you. The very end is so effing uncomfortable. My least favorites were getting up a million times/night to pee, and the fact it serious to a 5-point turn to roll over in bed. And the swelling. God forbid you get warm, EVER. It’s rough. I feel you.

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